


Talk to Me

by Xelfi



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-01
Updated: 2014-03-01
Packaged: 2018-01-14 04:27:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1252855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xelfi/pseuds/Xelfi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s been a few months since they started over in the new universe, but Terezi has continued to remain distant from most of her friends.  Karkat eventually becomes worried enough to do something about it, and it’s revealed that their communication breakdown was ultimately caused by something incredibly stupid.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Talk to Me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [anonymousComrade](https://archiveofourown.org/users/anonymousComrade/gifts).



> In short, this fanfiction is a belated V-day gift for anonymouscomrade, because he’s had a really bad year and seeing how he’s written some of the best Karezi fanfiction out there, I thought it would be appropriate to devote one to him. It’s a bit [a lot] on the dramatic side since I’ve rarely written anything 100% fluff but I hope the ending was sweet enough to make him smile. :)
> 
> If you enjoy long rambling, you can enjoy the extended notes I posted on my tumblr: http://xelfi.tumblr.com/post/78189647162/talk-to-me-extended-notes
> 
> I used the homestuck skin posted here to create the pesterlog:  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/1159609?view_full_work=true  
> (if the code is messed up anywhere in this fic it's definitely my fault haha)

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]  
  
CG: FIRST OF ALL, I FULLY UNDERSTAND AND ACCEPT THAT WE ALL DESPERATELY NEEDED SOME TIME AND SPACE AFTER EVERYTHING THAT WENT DOWN.  
CG: YOU KNOW, A LITTLE BREATHING ROOM TO RELAX, DECOMPRESS, LICK OUR WOUNDS, ETC.  
CG: EVEN THE HUMANS AND TROLLS WHO HAD THE FORTUNE TO BE RAISED ON MOSTLY HARMLESS PLANETS WANTED TO BE LEFT ALONE FOR A WHILE, IF ONLY JUST TO AVOID EMBARRASSING THEMSELVES WHILE REMEMBERING HOW TO FUNCTION IN A LIVING BODY AGAIN AND NOT IMMEDIATELY DIE BECAUSE THEY FORGOT HOW TO BREATHE.  
CG: IT’S JUST THAT, OVER THE PAST COUPLE WEEKS, I’VE SOMEHOW MANAGED TO CHAT WITH EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN THIS SPARKLING NEW UNIVERSE EXCEPT FOR THE ONE I’VE WANTED TO TALK TO THE MOST.  
CG: WHICH IS YOU, IF YOU HAVEN’T NOTICED HOW WE FELL INTO ANOTHER ROUTINE OF NOT TALKING TO EACH OTHER.  
CG: I DON’T EVEN UNDERSTAND HOW THIS HAPPENED. WE CHATTED PRETTY MUCH EVERY NIGHT WHEN WE WERE SIX AND SIX-SWEEP-OLD ME WAS THE MOST PLATONICALLY LOATHSOME ME OF ALL MES. EVERYONE AGREES.  
CG: BUT AFTER NEARLY TWO SWEEPS OF GROWTH AND SELF-ACTUALIZATION, BRINGING ME TO MY CURRENT STATE OF A MUCH EASIER TROLL TO DEAL WITH, I DON’T KNOW IF I CAN EVEN CALL US FRIENDS ANYMORE.  
CG: IF THAT’S WHAT YOU WANT, I’LL DEAL WITH IT, BUT, TEREZI, FROM WHAT I CAN TELL, YOU HAVEN’T TALKED MUCH TO ANYBODY.  
CG: AND I’M REALLY WORRIED ABOUT YOU. I’M NOT THE ONLY ONE, EITHER.  
CG: I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I’M HERE IF YOU NEED TO TALK TO SOMEBODY.  
CG: VRISKA TOLD ME THAT SHE’S FORGIVEN YOU FOR WHAT HAPPENED, AND SAID THAT IT’S PRETTY MUCH A NONISSUE SINCE SHE’S ALIVE AGAIN LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. SHE CLAIMS TO HAVE TOLD YOU ALL THAT BUT WE’RE TALKING ABOUT VRISKA HERE SO THERE COULD BE A GAP IN WHAT SHE THINKS SHE SAID AND WHAT SHE ASSUMES YOU ALREADY KNOW.  
CG: NOT TO MENTION THAT BEING FORGIVEN AND FORGIVING YOURSELF ARE TWO VERY DIFFERENT THINGS AND I FOR ONE AM INTIMATELY FAMILIAR WITH THE HARDMODE SETTING ON THE LATTER.  
CG: MEANWHILE, LATULA’S BEEN ASKING ME ABOUT YOU EVERY TIME WE RUN INTO EACH OTHER. SHE OFTEN LITERALLY RUNS INTO ME BECAUSE SHE APPARENTLY FORGOT EVERYTHING TO DO WITH PHYSICS, SUCH AS INERTIA, MOMENTUM, AND DECELERATION. I’M NOT EVEN SAFE IN MY OWN HIVE SINCE I MADE THE UNFORTUNATE MISTAKE OF HAVING LARGE ENOUGH WINDOWS FOR HER TO CRASH THROUGH ON HER FOUR-WHEELED-DEVICE.  
CG: HOPEFULLY THAT PROVES SHE’S NOT NEARLY AS R4D1C4L AS YOU ASSUMED AND IS IN FACT WELL WITHIN YOUR REACH IF YOU EVER CHOOSE TO EMULATE HER, WHICH I SINCERELY HOPE YOU DO NOT BECAUSE ONE THING WE DEFINITELY DON’T NEED HERE IS A THIRD TROLL ON HELLWHEELS. EVEN IF SHE HAS EXPRESSED INTEREST IN TEACHING YOU ALL THE TRICKS. ALL OF THEM. I WOULD RATHER YOU ASK DIRK FOR LESSONS INSTEAD AND ADD TO THE POPULATION OF PEOPLE *NOT* AT RISK OF ACCIDENTALLY KILLING SOMEBODY.  
CG: AND IF IT’S GAMZEE ON YOUR MIND, YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT HE’S LOST HIS TROLLIAN PRIVILEGES AND HAS BEEN UNDER ENFORCED HIVE ARREST SINCE WE GOT HERE. WE’RE NOT SURE WHAT TO DO WITH HIM YET BUT THERE’S NO CHANCE OF HIM HARASSING YOU WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT FOR AT LEAST A COUPLE MORE PERIGEES. WE’RE STILL TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE FUCK HIS DEAL IS SINCE HE SEEMS DETERMINED TO REMAIN AN ENIGMATIC ASSHOLE INSTEAD OF OFFERING ANY EXPLANATION REGARDING HIS ACTIONS OR HIS SHITTY ATTITUDE. AT LEAST ARANEA ACTUALLY SEEMS SUITABLY CONTRITE ABOUT EVERYONE SHE HURT AND ACCEPTED HER PUNISHMENTS WITHOUT COMPLAINT, BUT ALL HE EVER SEEMS TO DO IS SIT AROUND AND GRIN LIKE IT WAS ALL A FUCKING GAME!  
CG: I MEAN, FUCK, I WAS THERE TO SEE THE FALLOUT OF THAT LAST FIGHT BETWEEN YOU TWO, AND FROM THE WAY HE WAS ACTING AT THE END IT WAS LIKE THAT WHOLE SHAM OF A KISMESISSITUDE WAS SOMETHING HE PURSUED TO MESS WITH *ME*.  
CG: AND OKAY THAT LAST LINE PROBABLY READ AS INCREDIBLY SELF-CENTERED SINCE HE WAS HURTING *YOU* A HELL OF A LOT MORE THAN HE WAS HURTING *ME* BUT HE HAD TO HAVE *KNOWN* THAT I WOULD BE ABSOLUTELY HORRIFIED BY WHAT HE WAS DOING TO YOU! EVEN BEFORE WE BECAME MOIRALS AND I COMPLETELY SPILLED MY GUTS IN THE FEW SUCCESSFUL FEELING JAMS WE HAD BEFORE THAT RELATIONSHIP CRASHED AND BURNED, HE *KNEW* HOW IMPORTANT YOU WERE TO ME!  
CG: IT WAS SO FUCKED UP, TEREZI. BACK WHEN HE WAS IN MURDERMODE AND AGGRESSIVELY PALEPROPOSITIONING ME, I COULDN’T MUSTER THE COURAGE TO FACE HIM UNTIL HE ACTIVELY STARTED THREATENING *YOU*. THAT SHOULD HAVE TIPPED ME OFF RIGHT THEN THAT THE MOIRALLEGIANCE WAS DOOMED FROM THE START, AND NOW I’M DOUBTING IF I WAS EVER ACTUALLY PALE FOR HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE, BECAUSE DOESN’T THAT STRIKE YOU AS TERRIBLY *ASHEN* OF ME TO ONLY ACT WHEN HE WAS PUTTING *YOU* IN DANGER???  
CG: OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. FORGET EVERYTHING I JUST SAID THERE. THE ABSOLUTE LAST THING YOU NEED IS ME FUCKING AROUND IN ANOTHER ONE OF YOUR QUADRANTS. NO WONDER YOU’RE DONE WITH ME. FUCK.  
CG: I WAS JUST TRYING TO SAY THAT HE HAD ME COMPLETELY FIGURED OUT. HE KNEW THAT YOU’D ALWAYS BE MY FIRST PRIORITY, AND I THINK THAT’S PROBABLY WHAT SPARKED HIS BLACK FEELINGS FOR YOU. THE SAD THING IS, IF I’M RIGHT AND THE WHOLE THING STARTED OUT OF JEALOUSY, IT PROBABLY WOULD HAVE BEEN A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP IF IT HAD DEVELOPED NATURALLY. LAW AND CHAOS, RIGHT? THINGS LIKE THAT ARE WRITTEN IN THE STARS. IT FIGURES THAT I WOULD FUCK UP OTHER PEOPLE’S RELATIONSHIPS. I HAD ENOUGH PRACTICE FUCKING UP MY OWN RELATIONSHIPS, SO IT WAS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE IT ESCALATED! WHO DO I TALK TO ABOUT REALLOCATING MY SKILL POINTS INTO ACTUAL USEFUL TALENTS???  
CG: GOD DAMN IT, I’M GETTING OFF TOPIC HERE. RANTING INEFFECTUALLY IS ANOTHER USELESS SKILL I NEED TO TALK TO SOMEBODY ABOUT TRADING IN. WE ALREADY HAVE ONE VANTAS WHO DOESN’T KNOW WHEN TO SHUT THE HELL UP AND HE HAS ME HOPELESSLY OUTCLASSED.  
CG: OKAY LOOK, I’M JUST GOING TO CUT TO THE WHOLE POINT OF THIS MESS AND HOPE YOU HAVEN’T GIVEN UP ON READING ALL THIS SHIT YET.  
CG: WHAT I WANTED TO SAY IS THAT I NEVER REALIZED HOW HARD IT WAS TO DEAL WITH A FRIEND SO HOPELESSLY TANGLED UP IN THEIR OWN SELF-LOATHING THAT IT AFFECTED EVERY FACET OF THEIR EXISTENCE UNTIL YOU TRIPPED UP AND STARTED FALLING DOWN THAT SPIRAL STAIRCASE ALONGSIDE ME.  
CG: I’M SORRY FOR EVERY MOMENT I INFLICTED THAT AWFUL FEELING OF POWERLESSNESS UPON YOU EACH TIME YOU TRIED AND FAILED TO PICK ME UP AND EXPLAIN THAT MY ANGER AND FEAR AND DEPRESSION WERE ALL OF MY OWN MAKING AND THAT PEOPLE WOULD ACCEPT ME FOR WHO I WAS WITHOUT A FALSE SHOW OF BRAVADO, AND THE PEOPLE WHO DIDN’T COULD JUST FUCK RIGHT OFF.  
CG: I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT THERE WERE TIMES THAT YOU SUCCEEDED AND I MANAGED TO PULL MY HEAD OUT OF MY NOOK LONG ENOUGH TO NOTICE THAT I WASN’T NEARLY AS TERRIBLE AS I THOUGHT I WAS, THAT I DIDN’T ALWAYS SCREW UP, AND THAT I WAS INDEED WORTHY OF HAPPINESS AND THE COMPANY OF EVERYONE AROUND ME. THE FACT THAT I WOULD KEEP STUMBLING AFTERWORD WASN’T YOUR FAULT. I JUST KEPT FORGETTING TO TIE MY METAPHORICAL SHOELACES.  
CG: I’M SORRY FOR ALL THE TIMES I HURT YOUR FEELINGS BECAUSE I WAS TOO WRAPPED UP IN MY OWN ISSUES TO NOTICE YOU WERE SUFFERING TOO, AND FOR ALL THE TIMES I CONFUSED YOU BECAUSE I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW WHAT I WANTED, LET ALONE HOW TO EXPRESS MYSELF PROPERLY.  
CG: I’M SORRY I DIDN’T WAKE UP UNTIL IT WAS TOO LATE.  
CG: I’M TRYING TO BETTER MYSELF NOW, IN EVERY WAY I FAILED YOU BEFORE.  
CG: IT’S HARD, BUT I’M DOING MY BEST TO FORGIVE MYSELF FOR ALL MY SHORTCOMINGS.  
CG: IT’S EVEN HARDER, BUT I’M WORKING ON ACCEPTING EVERYTHING THAT IS AND WAS BEYOND MY CONTROL, INCLUDING MY BLOOD MUTATION.  
CG: I WANT TO BE HAPPY. I WANT TO FEEL COMFORTABLE IN MY OWN SKIN.  
CG: YOU WANTED THAT FOR ME, AND I WANT THAT FOR YOU, TOO. YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY, TEREZI, EVEN IF YOU FEEL LIKE YOU DON’T. IF YOU FELL INTO THE TRAP OF THINKING THAT YOU NEED TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP TO BE HAPPY, THAT’S COMPLETELY BOGUS. IF YOU’RE LONELY, IT’S BETTER TO SPEND TIME WITH A FRIEND. YOU CAN’T BUILD A RELATIONSHIP WHEN YOU’RE ALREADY BUSY FALLING APART. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN GREAT IF I DIDN’T HAVE TO LEARN THAT ONE THE HARD WAY. MAYBE IT’LL SAVE YOU SOME GRIEF, AT LEAST.  
CG: ANYWAY, TEREZI, I HOPE YOU FEEL UP TO TALKING TO EVERYONE AGAIN SOON. IT SHOULD BE A LOT LESS STRESSFUL TO GO OUT AND SOCIALIZE NOW THAT THERE’S A LACK OF GREAT LOOMING THREATS BREATHING DOWN OUR COLLECTIVE NECKS.  
CG: ALSO THAT BLINDFOLD YOU MADE IS FUCKING AMAZING AND A BRILLIANT IDEA. I HOPE IT HELPED EVEN JUST HALF AS MUCH AS IT LOOKED LIKE IT DID TO ME.  
CG: IT REMINDED ME OF YOU BEFORE EVERYTHING WENT TO SHIT. THE TEREZI PYROPE THAT’S CLEVER AND CONFIDENT AND EVERYTHING EVERY TROLL ASPIRES TO BE. SHE’S STILL IN THERE AND FIGHTING HER WAY OUT FROM UNDER ALL THE SHITTY THINGS THAT BOGGED HER DOWN.  
CG: I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT. I KNOW YOU CAN OVERCOME THIS. YOU JUST HAVE TO REACH OUT AND YOU’LL FIND YOURSELF IN THE THOUGHTS AND MEMORIES OF EVERYONE AROUND YOU.  
CG: I KNEW YOU BEFORE  
CG: AND I WANT TO KNOW YOU AGAIN  
CG: I MISS YOU SO MUCH  
CG: JUST  
CG: PLEASE  
CG: TALK TO ME  
  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]  
  
  
gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]  
  
GC: H3Y K4RK4T 1T W4S R34LLY SW33T OF YOU TO WR1T3 4LL TH4T FOR M3  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] did not receive message from gallowsCalibrator [GC]  
GC: >:[ OK WH4T TH3 FUCK  
GC: D1D YOU R34LLY BLOCK M3 4G41N 4FT3R L1T3R4LLY B3GG1NG TO T4LK?  
GC: NO TH4T DO3SNT M4K3 S3NS3  
GC: SOM3TH1NG W31RD 1S GO1NG ON H3R3  
GC: BL4R WHY 4M 1 ST1LL TYP1NG  
  
gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

================>

The fact of the matter was that Terezi already felt a lot better than she did a couple perigees ago, and while it was a bit out of the norm, she just hadn’t been spending a lot of time near her husktop lately. However, rather than sulking in her treehive like many of her friends were assuming, she’d been actively exploring her new forest, wanting to get both her body and nose back into their previous shape. She’d packed on a few extra pounds thanks to all the sugary soda she’d ingested at her lowest point of self-esteem, and while the extra curves certainly didn’t detriment from her personal sense of beauty, it just felt unnatural to feel like she’d gained something from such a loathsome habit. Maybe she’d try for those curves again one day, but she’d be sure to attempt it through a much healthier alternative. Hell, she could probably manage it simply by replacing the chalk portion of her diet with a little more protein. There was more than enough digestible wildlife in the forest for her to manage it, and until the rest of the humans and trolls were settled enough to fire up the cloning labs and begin to populate the new planet there was very little hunting competition aside from Nepeta occasionally making the trip to visit her.

Solving the nose problem was another story, but Terezi was starting to figure out that her issues were mostly in her head. The mind could be a powerful thing, and she had convinced herself that she’d ruined her nose by restoring her eyesight. If she remained calm and collected, and quieted her thoughts, she could smell all the colors almost as well as she could before, and it gave her hope that she could relearn her senses and restore that visceral bond with her dearly departed lusus.

Terezi remained seated at her husktop for a while longer, sniffing at grey letters and trailing a finger down one side of the screen to help keep her place. Worried about her accuracy, she lifted the blindfold up to read through it again, and upon finding she had not misread a single word, was conflicted on whether to feel proud of her progress or appalled with her self-doubt. Frustrated, she pulled the blindfold back down and dismissed the thought from her head. Of course she would need reassurance. Being sure that she was doing better was important to maintain her motivation.

Support from her friends was a major factor as well, and most of them sent her messages throughout the day and night. She responded to them during her limited time online but rarely managed to write more than simple small talk as she was usually exhausted from her many excursions. This was the first time since arriving in the new universe that Karkat had reached out to her, though, and she was currently well-rested, having just awoken from a nap just a short time ago by the incessant Trollian message notifications.

Serendipitous, as the inability to actually reply was forcing a face-to-face encounter that would require all the strength she could muster, for both the short hike to his hive and the undoubtedly emotional conversation that would follow. She couldn’t just ignore how upset he obviously was. She certainly couldn’t ignore how upset *she* was—the last thing she’d wanted was to make him worry about her even more than he already did, and she felt shitty for not realizing that the lack of communication from her end was definitely a cause for concern.

Terezi stood up from her desk, captchalogued her husktop as evidence, and stepped out the door and onto the lift. She had a minor mystery to investigate.

================>

She knew where he lived. Most of their extended group of friends and acquaintances had chosen to build upon a large, clear stretch of flat land. There was plenty of space between each structure, unlike Karkat’s previous neighborhood, which he had complained about on numerous occasions during his fifth sweep about how his even more ornery guardian had become a favored target of bored kids playing bait-the-lusus. Had more space been available, they probably would have constructed various death traps to keep themselves occupied instead.

The carpenter droids were almost identical to the ones they’d used on Alternia, though Dirk had been sure to include a human text option when he helped Equius and Horuss put them together. Terezi had stuck with the group long enough to claim one for her own building purposes, and had noted Karkat’s hive when she returned the drone for its next task. Just like her, he had rebuilt his hive exactly the same as before, including the bright red cloth canvas meant to cast shade should he ever choose to wander outside during daylight hours. This new sun was young and not nearly as large and powerful as Alternia’s had been, but troll eyes had evolved to function best in darkness and were many more times sensitive than human eyes. They had to be careful even with weak sunlight.

Just like everyone else, before she learned the truth, she’d assumed the color choice had been frugal rather than an indication of his mutation (or, in more self-indulgent theories, a choice consciously made knowing it was her favorite shade), since red blood was easily harvested from the many mammalian species of wildlife on Alternia, which tended toward warmer hues beyond the range of the accepted hemospectrum. Looking back, though, it was probably a decision made by a wiggler ignorant of the danger and maintained by a more knowledgeable troll who knew that abruptly changing the color to grey would attract more attention than it would divert, just like how his boring grey text had only made people curious. But here, on the new planet temporarily dubbed ‘Posterior’ thanks to the Striders, everyone already knew about his mutation, and since the humans refused to produce blood-based paint and dyes, a wider spectrum of colors were easily produced here. Just like Karkat had said earlier, he was working toward accepting himself for who and what he was. She felt an odd mix of pride and jealousy, happy for him, but at the same time, bitter that she hadn’t been able to help him much along the way.

Slowly but steadily walking toward his hive, the red sheets a helpful beacon of cherry in her nose, Terezi began to make out the small form of a body pacing out in his lawn ring. As she got closer she was able to discern that he was operating a motorized lawnclipper, crab-themed, but a dull gray not unlike his usual wardrobe. They must not have developed paint able to stick to metal, yet. Karkat hadn’t spotted her, but she wasn’t attempting stealth, so he had to be keeping his head down, focused on his task, while the motor drowned out all sounds of her approach.

She stopped a few meters away and considered, why, exactly, Karkat had felt the urge to embrace proper lawncare when there was literally a million other more useful things to do—like get a droid to replace that busted window he’d mentioned that he’d taped up with some miscellaneous blankets. What even was the point of lawncare, anyway? She’d always found overgrowth so much more interesting and it was simple enough to stomp out a path in long grass to avoid tripping.

When he circled around the back of his hive to begin the next cycle, his eyes abruptly locked onto her form and he stopped dead in his tracks. The realization hit her like a ton of bricks the moment she detected the watery, pinkish tinge of his sclera and the much more pronounced puffy black bags beneath his eyes. He’d been noticeably upset at the end of his attempts to troll her, and when she didn’t respond… he must have begun going through a hastily put together list of menial chores to pull himself back together, with only moderate success.

She’d had plenty of time to decide what she was going to say on the hour it took to walk to his hive, but when Terezi opened her mouth she blurted out, at least loud enough to be heard over the motor, “Legislacerator Pyrope, present to report that a most heinous crime has taken place!”

Feeling six again, horrifically immature, Terezi stood still, mercifully stonefaced, as Karkat opened his mouth, closed it, regarded her carefully, then reached down to cut the engine. He pulled the arm back up to quickly wipe away both sweat and tears, the motion causing a swatch of red to reveal itself at his wrist—a long-sleeved undershirt—which he hastily moved to conceal, only to stop himself and deliberately return his arms to his sides. They’d gasped simultaneously, but in the next moment they’d both assumed strange, professional stances, standing ramrod straight. Was he really going to—

"Th-threshecutioner Vantas at your service," he stated, voice wavering at first but quickly gaining confidence. "Do you anticipate requiring assistance in identifying and apprehending the perpetrator?"

She was surprised by how easily her face rediscovered smiling and how it didn’t feel at all like the unnatural contortions she’d attempted alone. Karkat’s expression immediately softened, crushing her insides. “No,” she said, after a moment, “the criminal had been located and it is my duty to remind him that everything he says will be taken as evidence and most assuredly twisted against him in the courtblock.”

His eyebrows drew together in confusion at the sudden twist in the roleplay, but Karkat remained in-character enough to ask, “What are the charges, Pyrope?”

She sidled up close to him, gracefully retrieving the still-logged-in husktop from her sylladex, and pressed it into his hands. “That remains to be determined… though this legislacerator, in her mercy, has decided to grant the accused an opportunity to confess his guilt in return for a lighter punishment.”

He turned with her as she completed the half-circuit around him and leaned against the handle of his lawnclipper as he bit at his lip before inspecting the screen in front of him. His face immediately darkened in a blush when he recognized the trollian conversation, followed soon after by a look of incomprehension, then abruptly froze in place as horror slowly dawned across his face.

Terezi wordlessly held out a hand to accept the husktop back into her sylladex as he retrieved a handheld computing device from his own and quickly flipped through various menus on the touchscreen. When he found what he was looking for—the blocked users list—he stared at the single username waiting there for a few moments before he slowly sunk to his knees in freshly cut grass that a younger, more uptight Karkat Vantas would have freaked out about staining his pants.

"I’m a completely panfried, shitnubbed idiot," he said in a voice quieter than she’d ever heard him whisper. Terezi was on her knees beside him before even realizing what she was doing.

She could have kept the roleplay going, but the effort to contain her emotions and fake composure felt like it would take more effort than her shattered dignity was worth, and they’d both already suffered too much to wade through another moment of bullshit. Instead, Terezi simply asked, “What happened?”

He removed her from the list and threw the handheld into the next yard. “I had you blocked for the last sweep and a half because Gamzee somehow got ahold of your smartglasses back when he was in murdermode and scared the shit out of me, and then the rest of the shit hit the whirling device and I forgot I’d done it.”

"Oh," she said, numb to the implications.

"F-fucking ‘oh’," he replied, starting to shake, curling up around himself. "All that time, thinking you wanted nothing to do with me, wondering how I fucked up so bad you didn’t even want to be friends anymore because you weren’t talking to me, and meanwhile, you probably *were* trying to talk to me but *couldn’t*, because for you it looked like *I* didn’t want to talk to *you* or be *your* friend anymore. I just…"

It all came rushing back at once. Trying to invite Karkat to play in can-town with her, the mayor, and Dave. Trying to talk to him about Vriska. Thinking that he was done with her and trying to focus on Dave instead. Feeling so empty because she knew deep down that Dave wasn’t actually all that interested in much beyond friendship in the first place and just agreed to give dating a try because of his ‘cool guy’ image that didn’t even matter. Gamzee getting a foothold in her psyche and losing Dave entirely. Letting Aranea talk her into ‘fixing’ her eyes. Regaining a bit of hope that Karkat still cared, only to be lead to believe he was planning to run off with Meenah. Completely breaking down and emptying herself of everything Terezi Pyrope was…

After all that, and trying so hard to pull herself back together only to find out that such a vital part of the puzzle she thought lost forever had just fallen off the table and slipped between the floorboards, only to be found again just as she was about to throw out the rest of the pieces and build herself up from scratch…

And now, realizing that Karkat had been going through pretty much the same thing… Who were they supposed to blame? Not even secret criminal mastermind Gamzee Makara could have planned it so well.

"Karkat," she said, pulling at his shirt to ensure she had his attention, "can we just agree that stupid things happen sometimes and it isn’t anybody’s fault? Believe me, I feel just as dense for waiting until now to ask you about it."

He unwound a bit, just enough to uncurl an arm to grasp at her hand, squeezing it tight. “How am I supposed to accept this, though? Everything that happened to you—if I’d have been there when you needed me… we both probably would have still had a shitty time but at the absolute minimum I’m pretty damn sure I never would have let you get to thinking that your eyes had to be healed for you to be ‘complete’ somehow—you *definitely* wouldn’t have felt inferior to goddamn *Latula* and I’d bet you wouldn’t have had any problem at all with ditching Gamzee the moment that assclown went from pitch to full-blown abusive. _Terezi_ …” He trailed off, voice cracking.

"Or it could have turned out even worse, somehow," she insisted. "What if something happened and we really couldn’t stay friends? Or we decided to go join that ghost army together and got wiped out of existence? Maybe the whole point of it was that we had to know how horrible it was to be apart so we wouldn’t take each other for granted ever again?"

"That… sounds just like something the damn game would have orchestrated, which means you’re exactly right," Karkat responded, finally lifting his head back upright after wiping at his face again with his free arm. The crisp cherry flavor of his undershirt tickled her nose, and this time he forgot to be self-conscious about it. "I was so selfish back then… I thought I could get away with having you all to myself. I should have just been happy you were willing to pursue me in a single quadrant, but… well you read the whole monologue earlier. I couldn’t keep my feelings contained, and you deserved better than that. I might have been able to get away with it on Beforus—I unwittingly learned a lot about the quadrantqueer minorities during Kankri speech purgatory—but we grew up in a different culture entirely and I shouldn’t have ever even thought about asking you to abandon that for me."

She could understand his reasoning, but it just didn’t sit right with her. “Okay, so, you should know that the problem back then was because you never actually explained to me what you were feeling. All I got from you was a confusing mishmash of red and black signals that was impossible to interpret in any traditional way. I’d like to think I would have been a little more understanding if I’d have known what was going on with you.”

He sighed. “And that’s the root of the problem, because at the time I had no idea what was wrong with me, either. It was so frustrating that I ended up taking it out on you and everyone else within shouting distance.”

Speaking of frustrating… “I wish you’d stop saying that something’s wrong with you. The only thing wrong here is that you were pressured into forcing circular shaped feelings into square boxes. You never would have been happy even if you managed to bury all the overlap so deep nobody ever noticed. It isn’t wrong, it’s just *different*. Humans have something like that too, right? What are they called—homosexuals? Just because they can’t fit into the majority’s idea of romance doesn’t mean they’re wrong, and only assholes hassled them about it, so fuck your internalized polyquadrantphobia too.”

That startled him enough to actually look at her. “What—he managed to corner you, too, didn’t he? Fuck, not even that grotesque green skeleton alien masquerading as death itself would have deserved that.”

She managed a slight quirk of the lip. “No, it was Kanaya’s dancestor. She apparently has similar interests in the social justices but her presence is thankfully a lot more palatable, not to mention she explained it all very succinctly.” Honestly, Terezi was fairly certain that if she’d been hatched Beforian, where there was much less of a need for Alternian-style legislacerators, she’d probably have at least dabbled in establishing and upholding the rights of minorities instead of growing up being taught to wipe them out.

"Oh," he said. "I never really got to talk to her. Every time she went anywhere near me, Kankri would appear out of nowhere and freak out at her. He was convinced she was trying to seduce me or something."

"Unfortunate," Terezi replied. "If she’d been able, I have no doubt whatsoever she would have done what she could to help you feel better about your inability to conform to Alternian standards—and none of us did, really, in one way or another. Meanwhile, on Beforus, there was an entire subculture of trolls who thought an all-quadrant romance was the ideal relationship that everyone willing to try should strive for. Something about meaning everything to one troll was considered the highest form of love—from the way she talked about it, I could tell that she subscribed to the idea. It’s too bad that she didn’t have much luck among her friends in achieving that, but I think she was really happy for Kanaya and Rose since it seemed to be working for them."

"Was that why she—" Karkat started but abruptly cut himself off, flushing dark.

“‘Why she’ what?” Terezi asked, suddenly fearing that Kankri was right and Porrim *had* attempted to seduce him.

It took him a few moments but he finally managed to explain, “She… said you were lucky. Because of how I felt about you, I guess. She probably thought we were together, but it was kind of a kick in the teeth to hear since ‘lucky’ was the exact worst word you could use to describe either of us at the time.”

"No," Terezi quietly disagreed, "I was very lucky to have someone around who cared as much as you did." She didn’t know how many times she’s woken up in a ‘coon or on a couch, covered with a warm grey blanket, her face and fingers not sticky at all after distinctively remembering laying down in a puddle of Faygo after failing to muster the strength to stand and walk back to her designated respiteblock. "I thought… I thought you were going to leave with that Beforian ghost girl but… you stayed."

"Meenah?" he clarified, unnecessarily. "She’s pretty cool, I guess. I think we’ll be able to work together to make this place better than the best of both our crappy planets combined." He was silent for a moment, probably trying to picture the future, before pulling back to the present discussion about the past. "For about half an hour I thought that I could just hop off the meteor and kill a demon or die trying."

"But you didn’t."

"Because it was a stupid wiggler daydream that dispersed the second I woke up. Let’s face it—I was never built be a badass. My role in this whole thing was to keep everyone safe and alive as long as I could, and I was pretty good at it until we all got trapped on that meteor. Lucky, in a twist of fate, we all ended up respawning here together like the ghosts were just a bunch of save files ready to reload at the whim of an actually benevolent all-powerful being, so I ended up with less to blame myself about than I thought I would in the end. It’s pretty weird that half our friends are still six, though."

"Yeah," she agreed, and thought about it for a moment before admitting, "I don’t even know what my role was supposed to be. I must have forgotten somewhere along the way."

"You were my second-in-command, remember?" Karkat reminded her without skipping a beat. "There’s no way I would have accomplished anything without you."

"Heh, yeah, that’s right—remember how I tricked you into thinking that the server file was for the lesser troll to use to help their superior and used it to totally fuck up your hive?"

He barked a surprised laugh, which prompted her into a fit of giggles. “Shit, I was so pissed…”

Talking suddenly became so easy that the earlier awkwardness was all but forgotten. As they laughed and joked together, remembering all the silly and stupid things that they had done or witnessed during their game session, it was as though there hadn’t been a gap in their friendship at all. Terezi slid closer to press their shoulders together, and Karkat gently rubbed his thumb against the back of her hand, still lightly holding his.

Eventually, they trailed off into companionable silence. If anybody were to walk by and see the two loudest Alternian trolls kneeling together quietly in freshly cut grass next to an idle lawnclipper, they’d honestly be shocked just as speechless.

Finally, though, Karkat was prompted to ask, by his own disbelief, “You really don’t care, do you?”

"About what?" she asked, confused by the abrupt inquiry lacking any form of context.

"About how fucked up I am—" He cringed at his own words, and hastily rephrased. "I mean—you really don’t care that I… care way too much than we were taught anyone should ever care for another troll… about you?"

It took her a few seconds to parse that, and then tried to downplay how flustered she was with a casual insult. “Dummy, you caring too much is why everybody likes you.” And then, falling prey to quiet hope, added, “Um, are you trying to say that you still feel… poly for me?”

He tried to pull away, but she held fast and tugged him back, nearly hauling him onto her lap in the process. “Sorry,” he said, miserably. “I’ve been trying to get over it but I just…” He practically went limp against her, like he just gave up entirely on living along with finishing the sentence.

"It’s okay," she said, quickly, before he could wind himself back up too much. "In fact…" She took a deep breath to calm herself down, too. "I think… after a little more time to figure everything out, of course… I think it might be a good idea for us to try again."

He immediately tensed up, pivoted on a kneecap to stare at her head-on, and gripped her shoulder with his free hand. She didn’t have to see to know that he was absolutely terrified by the suggestion. “Are you crazy? I know it’s been a while and it might look better in hindsight, but you can’t have forgotten how terrible I was to you, and we weren’t even officially together.”

"I remember how frustrating it was," she admitted, "that we never actually got around to talking about our feelings. You know, like we’re talking right now? I know what you’re thinking, and before you argue about not wanting me to give up the quadrant system just for you, remember that I dated a human for a while and they don’t even *have* quadrants."

"Terezi," he said, so softly, "you dated a human who broke up with you because he couldn’t handle you being quadranted with someone else simultaneously."

Point, but… “And look where adhering to quadrants left me. Honestly, the traditional quadrant system never did me any favors; it just fucked me over again and again. Even at our worst, Karkat, and you were endlessly pissing me off… I was happier with you than I ever was without.”

He tried to speak, but when he opened his mouth all he managed was an adorable little squeak as pink tinted tears began gathering in his eyes again. She leaned forward, pressing her lips against one fluttering lid while her free hand wiped the gathering moisture from the other. It left a salty-sweet flavor in her mouth that made it impossible to suppress a smile. “I promise I’ll let you know if you’re fucking up if you promise to do the same for me.”

His answer was to drag her forward into a full embrace that reminded her instantly of the one they’d shared on top of the meteor. A hug that assured her that he would always accept her as she was, no matter what happened or what she’d done. If she hadn’t been wearing her blindfold, she’d need a tissue just as badly as he did, his tear ducts leaking all over her shoulder.

"G-ground rules," he forced out through shaky lips. "Before… anything else… we need to build up our friendship back up first. Objections?"

"Motion seconded, with a proposed minor adjustment of allowing emergency concillatory affections as the situation deems appropriate."

"Proposal accepted, to be applied retroactively, and motion passed. Next order of business?"

"I want to show you the forest," Terezi blurted out, not realizing she felt so strongly about it until the words passed through her lips. "It’s not quite third-autumn-Alternia tier yet, but I wouldn’t want to overwhelm you on the first hike, anyway."

He rose to his feet, helping support her as she stood up with him and they both kicked out the pins and needles in their legs before he motioned to his lawnclipper. “Let me put this away before someone detaches a nub on the blades and we can go do that.”

She grinned broadly at Karkat Vantas and how different he was from the six-sweep-old boy who would have complained endlessly about every little thing until he eventually talked her out of the trip entirely. The boy always so determined to be completely prepared for everything, neatness bordering on compulsion, and desperate to prove his worth through leadership, having changed so much that he was willing to drop everything to immediately grant a whimsical request. She never would have thought she’d witness him walking away from a half-trimmed lawnring in grass-stained pants without any fuss whatsoever.

Following after Karkat so she could hold the door open for him while he hauled the lawnclipper inside, Terezi remarked, “I’ll warn you now, Mr. Vantas; if you insist upon being so sweet inside and out, there’s a significant risk I’ll start calling you Karkandy.”

His surprised laugh would never get old, and his promise to reciprocate by coming up with a nickname for her at least half as ridiculous got Terezi giggling again as she released the door to run ahead and locate his thrown palmhusk, reminding her of the many times she’d had to retrieve it for him on the first day of Sgrub thanks to hilarious sylladex shenanigans. They’d always been the best team, and she was determined to keep it that way.


End file.
